I often repeat in my sessions with my clients and even in various lectures and workshops that we must observe our thoughts and correct our negative beliefs about ourselves and those around us in order to enjoy a life of satisfaction and comfort that we are happy to have.
I also try to focus on discovering the negative belief that has led to the repetition of a negative habit they want to get rid of. or even those ideas and beliefs that make the human mind spin in a vicious circle and make it feel like all the doors are locked in its way, And that their life will always be bogged down in one side, It makes people hesitate whenever they want to take a step forward or make an important decision that will change their lives in the long run…
In this short and simplified series I will reveal to you the most important negative thoughts or so-called “cognitive distortions” that circulate in our mind and make us fall prey to a negative habit or a frustrating life filled with lack of confidence and insecurity.
🚩🚩🚩The first thought: “Black or white” ⚫ or
It’s an idea based on a cognitive distortion called “all or nothing”.
In this idea the person sees himself and others and the life around him within a very narrow perspective which classifies everything as only one of two.
At work, for example: “Either I’m always the perfect employee or I’m going to be a loser.”
In relationships: “Either I’m your most important friend and my only friend, or I’m breaking my friendship with you.”
In the view of others: “So is an angel or a demon,”
“So full of qualities, mind and thinking and I never expect them to be wrong” Or a stupid and bad person whom we can’t listen to any opinion or idea taken from them.
In all these examples there is a definitive description of oneself, for others and for situations as either: Only white or black. This idea eliminates any other possibilities.
At work, you may be a successful employee at one point and you get poorer for one reason or another in other periods. This does not mean that you are perfect or a failure, but it means you are a natural human being who can be perfect at times, and lack perfection at others.
That well-known figure or writer or doctor is not a complete person, You benefit from some of his ideas and leave what you don’t like. You can’t judge him as bad and untrustworthy because he didn’t meet your unfair standard.
Imagine how negative we feel about ourselves and other people as a result of these thoughts!!
How many relationships do we lose because of our cruel and unfair judgments that weigh people with the logic of “you are with me or against me!!!
How many chances of success and progress do we lose when we feel like we have failed because we have not performed well once!!
⚠️⚠️ how to deal with this cognitive distortion?
1- You should realize that you are a human being and you are full of flaws, and this isn’t something to be ashamed of. It is a challenge for you to learn from weaknesses and highlight your strengths. Even the Holy Prophet said to us: “All the son of Adam is a sinner and the best of sinners are those who keep repenting.”
2. Life is fluctuating and does not go on the same wave all the time, As the poet said:
These are the days as you have seen changing… From one day makes you happy and the other makes you sad.
So you’re not always successful and you are not always a loser, You are not a pious believer all the time, nor is you a disobedient punk all the time, You’re not a perfect mother all the time, or a bad mom all the time.
We all oscillate between this and that according to our human nature, our capabilities and circumstances.
3. Our relations with others vary, there are family and close friends, and occasional friends, And there are acquaintances. And there are co-workers. Etc
We cannot put all our relations in the same scale or same form and amount. What you accept from someone close to you may not accept from someone else, What you share with your family you may not share with your friends…
The next time you talk to yourself with a black or white idea, say to yourself:
“Maybe I didn’t do my best in a situation, but I can definitely learn from that and improve my way in the future.”
“That person may not have acted perfectly in a situation, but he is only a human being who has lots of good inside him”
Share your thoughts with us, Was the idea of black or white an obstacle to you in your life?