In the previous article, we talked about patterns of emotional attachment and found that each type is the result of the way parents interact and interact with the child during his first childhood. The style of attachment is safe to concern to avoid the circumstances and attitudes that a person is exposed to as a child.
In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, it was found that anyone can change their attachment style to become safer over time and that this change is not impossible or very difficult as we expect.
What are the possible ways to change our patterns of over-anxiety or avoidance and become healthy patterns to enjoy productive and enjoyable human relationships?
- One of the most helpful ways to help people of the avoidance type to overcome their anxiety of being close to others is to deal with another person who is positive and of a natural pattern and to allow himself to start some calculated risks so that he gradually approaches others and expects different results and is prepared for them. And his turbulence if his attempts to get closer to others did not succeed at first.
- helps learning the skills of packages or the so-called “Assertiveness skills” which are skills that help the person to be balanced in his positions and reactions, especially in difficult situations or where there is controversy or concern – and learning helps the pattern of concern specifically to overcome his behavior in a permanent attempt The joy of others at the expense of himself, thinking that this method earns close relations, and help him to express himself and his opinion in a firm and calm at the same time and can say the word “no” in situations where the exploitation or reduce it. As the anxiety pattern may be exploited by those who try to stay close to them because it shows his extreme weakness and his constant concern that he will lose them.
- Communicating with others by engaging in similar activities A person with a heterosexual style helps to overcome some psychological barriers from getting close to others.
For example: participating in playing football with new friends and in a positive and enjoyable atmosphere, participating in voluntary activities to serve a certain class of the community, practicing drawing hobby with people who share the same hobby .. are all examples of activities that help you overcome the barriers to get closer to others.
- The most characteristic of the pattern of anxiety in his relations is the feeling of anger because of his sense of neglect of feelings and inability to express it in front of parents pour anger at different stages of his relations and friendships on himself, is Vilom himself and sees it less than others and may feel a sense of shame towards This is the result of a lack of self-confidence, and therefore it is necessary to increase the man of anxiety type of confidence and self-esteem through the identification of strengths in his personality and strengthen and focus on them.
Stop your constant criticism of yourself and remember that everyone also has weaknesses and you are not alone. Even those who look at them are better than you. Make sure they have a lot of weaknesses but try to improve themselves and overcome their weaknesses. There is nothing to prevent you from doing the same thing.
- Learn the skills of solving problems and conflicts with others either by reading the different books in this area or through training courses or even to experience your own lessons and learn, because one of the most disturbing situations of people with avoidance and anxiety patterns are situations where there is disagreement Opinions or views, so it is important to learn the basics of dealing with these attitudes and learning the literature of difference.
- March skills of emotional intelligence and understand your feelings and know them to describe yourself, and exercises that I always recommend the exercise journaling or writing your feelings on paper and identify and analyze.
If you are concerned about losing a friend just because he can not respond to your call or messages right away, put your hand on your chest and know your feelings: “I am worried, fear, anger”, depending on how you feel. Makes you worried? Does not the response of the friend / son … etc mean that they neglect you and do not want to communicate with you? Are they likely to be busy with other things? They did not pay attention to their phones and therefore did not read your message. Think about the possible options and the reasons for your feeling that you are not acting for them.
- Write letters to yourself: “If you write a letter to a friend in your case and feel what you will say to him to encourage him and help him to overcome this situation?”, This exercise is very useful exercises that help the person to get used to positive thinking and gradually stop repeating negative messages For himself.
- Forgive yourself: We always talk about forgiving others and forget to think about forgiving ourselves, forgive yourself for past mistakes and avoid self-lashing and see mistakes as opportunities for learning, take important lessons and benefit you for the future.
- Explore Oath and know your personality style and develop your skills in things that improve, make yourself a great goal you want to reach for yourself first and then others.
I wish you all the psychological security and peace of mind in your relationships.