Are you one of the people who are very concerned about others?
Do you start a friendship or a relationship and when you feel close to the person disturbed and start moving away?
Do you feel the need to communicate constantly with your loved ones and be very concerned if a certain person is absent from you?
Are you the one who believes in the importance of emotions or the presence of someone special in your life?
Do you keep sending messages to a friend if he doesn’t answer you immediately?
Do you feel very tense and tight if you sit alone?
Do you feel that you need someone else to be able to feel your emotions and trust and emotional security?
Emotional attachment is one of the world’s most common problems, Strong attachment to people affects relationships and their continuity and the maintenance of a fruitful and beneficial health relationship for both parties. Where one of the parties is highly related to the other and dependent on it a great emotional dependence and is not relieved or psychological stability unless the person satisfies his emotional need. This temporary stability is achieved by the fact that the second party is present most of the time, if not all the time, to listen to that person suffering from emotional attachment, He hears his scandals about all his feelings and any feeling he was saying or a lot about any subject. If someone bothers him and feels some discomfort, he speeds up to his friend or partner and wants to empty his discomfort by talking in exchange for the second party to cook and raise the shoulder and absorb his feelings and confirm and endorse his right to these feelings.
This is really one of the most exhausting relationships and affects their balance if the person has not avoid the problem and tries to deal with it.
Where does the problem of attachment come from?
The pattern of attachment to others is particularly during childhood and early childhood. The response of the mother, August or child care in his or her first years of age is to form a specific pattern depending on how they treat this young child. Children are often deliberately and unintentionally subjected to “ill-treatment” from parents, which takes many forms, such as verbal and physical violence and neglect of all kinds. The types of disregard are the physical disregard of the failure to take care of the child’s health and nutrition and attention to any changes that require a doctor, for example. The second type of disregard is educational neglect in the sense that the child has no interest in receiving appropriate education or ignoring a particular problem, such as children with different learning difficulties. The third type is emotional disregard in the sense of not caring for the child’s feelings and scolding him if he cries or screams without caring about the cause of his sadness, cry or anger. There are some children who are emotionally demanding and who need the mother’s presence more than usual and need their sympathy and great tenderness, These children that faced disregard for their feelings and needs pose a so-called anxiety-related pattern.
Parental treatment of a child forms different types of attachment in the case of multiple psychology studies. In a study published in the Journal of Reproductive Psychology and Infants (Journal of Reproductive and Infant psychology) in 2006, the study, after applying its hypotheses to several cases, showed that there is a close correlation between the vulnerability of a person to maltreatment in the young and the patterns of non-health attachment to others.
There are four main types of attachment:
1. Secure Attachment attachment: It is a pattern that is shaped by the person as a result of taking into account the psychological and physical needs of the parents in a natural and balanced way and feeling that he is a beloved child and lives in a positive environment. The child behaves in this pattern with anxiety if she leaves the mother or August the place and then feels happy and happy on their return. And here the child understands that every time the parents go they will return to him. The parents ‘ interest in the feelings of the child and the dialogue with him about his feelings and their characterization and allowing him to express them constitute a kind of confidence in them and their ability to satisfy the need for their proximity and also increase their self-confidence and the importance of their feelings for them.
2-Pattern of avoidant attachment: This pattern is shaped by the presence of a mother and August who are unable to give affection appropriate to the needs of the child and both may have a kind of emotional coldness or inability to express, This makes the child fully dependent on himself to meet his emotional needs as a mature person in the form of a child. These children grow up to be old, unable to receive love and affection from others, and their behavior towards others is dominated by behavior so that they avoid being bound with anyone and may cause such failures in friendships and marriages and do not feel the need to have someone else in their lives and do not care about the feelings of others.
3. Concern anxious attachment: This pattern is the result of the unbalanced and unpredictable behavior of parents with their children. Sometimes they respond to the emotional needs of their children and often neglect them dramatically so that the child becomes confused and unsure that his or her mother or father will be there for him when he needs them. It is therefore a form of anxiety and mistrust that may shift the feeling of lack or mistrust to the child itself and lacks self-confidence and believes that his feelings are not important to others and will not find who loves him easily and he is not worthy of love starting. In this pattern the person is attached to others when he grows up with anxiety, tension and fear of losing them. You see that person communicating very closely with close friends or those who love them, And he gets nervous and afraid if they don’t give him the same degree of interest or emotional expression and worries about the idea that they do not like him to the same extent While the opposite person may love and care for him, it is expressed in a natural way and not in a worrying way. This pattern develops to also appear in the form of a great emotional dependence on others, He cannot deal with his feelings alone and needs someone else to make him feel acceptable and his feelings are acceptable.
4. Pattern of attachment/fear fearful avoidant attachment: As a result of severe mistreatment of the child from beatings or assault of various kinds, the child feels the instinct to flee and resort to a place where he feels safe, but the only safety available to him are the parents themselves who mistreat him. Especially if the child is subjected to severe psychological trauma, it consists of feelings of fear and avoidance of others with the need for the presence of those who love them and love him, but he grows up in a style attached incapable of completing any relationship or friendship. So you see these people of this style are coming to a friendship or a new relationship welcome her but once this relationship has become closer to the before, it seems like a person has been separated from a situation and begins to live a position or attitudes in the past that greatly influenced him and begins to avoid the partner and that affects the continuation of the relationship.
The most important question now: Can I change my attachment style to become a safe and healthy attachment? Answer: Yes you can and answer this detailed question in the next article hopefully..